Remember the situation by stepping back into it-see, hear, and feel what occurred from your own point of view Self. Identify your feelings and your understanding of the experience. Float up and out to a neutral position watching from above or from the side. Watch yourself and the other person in detail Observer.
Notice how the other person sounds, looks, moves, breathes, and so on. Replay t h e situation in your mind fully and completely from h i s point of view Other. Float up a n d off to the side. Watch the i n teraction aga i n , with the i nformation from Self and Other. Watch both players 6. Return to Self. Now answer the following questions: t "What has changed for you i n relation to this memory? Your work? A tells a story.
B listens for two minutes in each perceptual position without interacting with A : Self, Observer, and Other. C observes physiological and voice matching. All parties notice the effect of B's shifts in perceptual positions on A. Case Study Max had an ongoing problem with a coworker. His coach had him relive the experience from the Self position.
Max reiterated how angry he felt when he was being "attacked" by this person. His coach had him step back to the Observer position and watch the experience. He then imagined actually being the coworker, standing the way that she did, doing his honest best to take on her viewpoint and life experiences as far as he knew them.
He experienced the event through her eyes. Use open questions to help the client solve her issue, dig deeper for creative responses, and stimu late articulation of t h e i r th i n king. These are questions that cannot be easily answered by a simple "yes," "no," or any other single word or number. They i nvite the person to talk further, and they d i rect the client's attention to a speCific aspect of what has been sa id. Open questions can ask for more sensory-specific i n formation. For example, in response to an employee's claim that "My friend is always putting me down!
Open questions that start with "how" e l i cit better i nformation than those that start with "why. The following exercise w i l l help get you to t h i n k about how to structure your questions effectively. Open questions can ask for more information about the person's desired outcome. S Exercise I.
A client has j ust explained that he hated sports as a teenager. An unem ployed friend tells you he is trying to get a job at a place where you have a contact. A client explains that he didn't get the promotion he wanted, so he's applied for a job at another company. A cl ient begins to cry about a situation that has arisen. A client discusses his feelings of depression after he loses his job. What is your next move? The meta-model i s an excel lent tool for business comm unication because it works to specify com m u n ication when it i s necessary and appropriate.
The meta-model offers some very powerful q uestions for coach ing, and provides a framework for knowing when to ask the right question. M i l ton Erickson a famous psych iatrist. One o f t h e basic presuppositions o f N L P i s expressed in the metaphor that "the map is not the territory. The external world-what may be called "real ity"-is l i ke the terrain. At any moment, we are bombarded with b i l l ions of bits of information, but we can only process a small portion of what we receive from the world. Our maps select what to attend to, what is important, what events mean, how the world works, etc.
We then use these "maps" of the world to gUide our behavior and negotiate l i fe. Good com m u n icators understand another's "map of the world. Wbat does iLdo? Every word is an anchor for a deeper and often richer set of meani ngs. So if I say, "She showed me something," what literal representations do you have in your mind? Who is she?
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What is she showing me? How is she showing it to me? To recover it, ask, "Who or what, specifica l ly? I f t h e word o r phrase fails t o identify a specific person or t h ing, the l istener has identified a genera l ization. Meta-model inqu iry: "Who, specifically? Some of the key words to listen for incl ude "enough," "too," "better," "best," and "most. All verbs can be further specified.
The meta-model i n q u i ry is " H ow. These are phrases such as "never," " a l l , " "every," "always," and "no o n e. One way to use the meta-model with absolutes is to backtrack the absolute word, but exaggerate it with your tone of voice: "ALL? Listen to the speaker's language, identifying universal quanti fiers. Sample: "You work all the t i m e! Is that truly you r experience? Avoid asking "Why? Many people l i m i t t h e i r world u n n ecessarily by thi nking something d i fficult or u n fami l i a r is " i m possible. Sample: " I can't apply for the promotion. To i n q u i re about a lost performative, ask: "For whom?
Identify that this is a generalization about the speaker's model of the world. Sample: "It's bad to be late. The meta-model i n q u i ry is. For example, to make sense out of the sentence " I ' m afraid that the new manager i s as untrustworthy as the last one," you have to accept as true the idea that the original manager was untrustworthy.
Meta-model response: "How is Monty mean? Acknowledging What is it? Acknowledgi n g the client is acknowledging her deeper self. For example, the coach might say, "I know that you must be disappointed about not receiving the promotion-you definitely worked hard and were well prepared for i t. Often , what's rea lly going on with a person is not acknowledged, but when the coach articulates it, it becomes part of the conversation. It i s di fferent from praising. It creates a deeper rapport with the client. Write an acknowledgment of who t hey are or who they have been to get to where they are today.
Based on these acknowledgments. Challenging What is it? It m ust be a strong enough chal lenge that your client will actual ly resist it. You now have a place to begin negotiating for something that wi l l move her toward what she rea l l y wants. I f she is in connict. Challenging is helpfu l in two ways. They say that l i fe winners stretch themselves ten percent beyond their comfort zone. The second way that challe nging is helpful is that it demonstrates that you beli eve in your cl ient and that she has what it takes to move beyond where she thought she cou l d go What does it do?
It motivates the cl ient to go beyond where she wou l d norma l l y go on her own. Exercise Working in a sma l l group, identify three areas of you r personal or work l i fe that are out of balance and write them down. In groups of th ree, describe these imbala nces. Then work together with your partners to devise a challenge to each area that takes you beyond your comfort zone. Negotiate a counteroffer with them. Intruding What js it? Backtrack your understanding of her story so far. In other words. Limit your s u m mary to a few well-backtracked sentences.
Backtracking means that you feed back what you hear to the speaker. For example, the speaker says, "I rea l l y want to move ahead on this project, it is very important to me. Tel l her that you are going to interrupt her. Identify a positive intention for the long story: "I know you're going somewhere important with this story; what is it that you are real l y wanting now?
Ask h i m to summarize: "What does that mean to you? This is a powerful way for the client to maintain a conscious focus on a new way of being in the world. With your i nqu iry. Some coaches maintain lists of in qu iry q uestions from which they can choose. You can make a request of your cl ient. You might, for example, request that your cl ient take action on somet h i ng that she's been procrastinating about.
You might also turn a cl ient's complaint into a n opportu nity by suggesting that she consider making a request of someone else. Requesting is used to nudge the client forward. If she ma kes a counteroffer, you can again employ accou ntability: "Would you l i ke to be held accountable for this? List five areas of l ife in which you have a complaint.
Your partner should devise a request that addresses each compla i n t. Content Reframing What isjt? Reframing is putting someth ing into a d ifferent framework or context than that in which it has been previously perceived. It helps to expand the client's possibil ities. For example, imagine that a friend of yours walks by in the morning and does not respond to your friendly "hello.
You might think that she simply didn t hear you, or that she doesn't l i ke you, or that she is angry, or that she's rude for some reason , and so on. Why USE- it? When clients d isplay l i m i ted thi nking, refra m i n g offers new poss i b i l ities for understanding a situation in a broader way, 2 Exercise Think of somet h i n g that is a n noying or that causes you concern your child got a "0" on a test, or your boss seems grumpy.
Ask: "How is the opposite of what you thought actually true? For exa m ple, y o u can change "look foolish" t o "take a risk. It covers everyth i ng from the pre-session preparation to post-session notes and follow-up. The coach can use t h i s map to keep on track with the client in each session. Gaining Rapport Rapport can be defined as being "in sync" or "on the same wavelength" or "in harmony" with another person. It implies clear understanding and mutual credibility between two or more people. The ingredients i n rapport were an early discovery from modeling through N L P.
Presession o Preparing for the session - Make space for the client - Set an intent for the session Backtrack of the session Review accountability! These incl ude her postu re, her breath i ng, the tone and tempo and volume of her speech, and the process words she uses. Why use. A deep level of rapport is a requi rement for effective coachi ng. WhaLdoes it do? These people were able to create deep empathy with the people with whom they con nected and were able to lead the conversat ion, as we l l. How do I do it? Rapport is gained by matching the t h i n king process of the other person.
People t h i n k in th ree primary modes: visual picturing in the mi nd's eye. For each of us, however, one mode tends to be dominant. When someone com m u n i cates with us u s i ng our favored mode, we u n derstand him better and relate to what he is com m u n i cating more easi ly. How can you determine a person's lead mode? Notice h i s posture, how he holds his feet , the angle of his head, and where h e has h is hands. M i rror this posture.
Convincer: Try hav i ng a conversation where you fi rst mismatch the other person's posture. Then match it. Notice the d ifference. Match the rhythm a n d speed of another person's breath i ng. Convincer: Try having a conversation where you first mismatch the other person's breat h i ng. N otice the d i fference. Match the tempo a n d tone of the other person's speech. Convincer: Try having a conversation where you first m ismatch the other person's voice. Notice the difference. Match the process words used p redicates that identify which of the sensory modes a person is t h i n king i n : visual , auditory, or kinesthetic.
ComrnQ[ l8. You'll breathe evenly in your diaphragm or with the whole chest. Your posture may be the "saxophone position" how you'd look if you are playing the saxophone, with the shoulders pushed bac k. When you are thi nking in words or listening to your internal d i a logue, you might touch your hand to your ch i n , cock your head to one side, or breathe shal lowly. Coaching h e l ps us to stay on track. Holdin g the client's agenda is a primary job of a coach. Purpose t To help keep the client focused t To provide boundaries for the c l ient Method t Work with the client to establish an agenda.
These are usua l l y identified i n the i ntake session or recontracting sessions. If the coach asks, "How has it been going since our last conversation? If the coach says, "What is our goal for today? That is much more usefu l. You can use certain patterns that assume a d i rection. There are several types of key presuppositions: t Time. This category presu pposes that something w i l l occu r; it is j ust a matter of when. Some time presuppositions are "when," "before," since," "after,"and "next week.
These presuppositions provide for a choice between options. Notice that any "Iy" word can be used as a presuppos ition. These presuppositions assume that something is the case, and the only question is whether or not you are aware of it. The I istener's attention is d irected to the client's realizing the fact. Exercise Create groups of t h ree: A, B, and C.
W i t h assistance from A and B, do the following: I. What is presupposed? What is the internal response of the listener? What is assumed in h i s internal experience as a result of the statement? Revise your "directionalizing" statement to direct the listener in the way that you want. Examples A trainer opens a new employee orientation session with the statement "I hope that this session is not too eleme ntary for you. How might the trainer restate this so that it moves the session a long in a positive way?
It might have been better to say something l ike, "I know that everyone's m i n d i s on project X, b u t before w e discuss that. What is your i n ternal process? You are req u i red to sort through a lot of information and try to pick out the relevant pieces. Useful possi bili ties for opening a coach ing session in clude the following statements: t "What is our agenda for today?
Once you know you r goal it's fairly easy to lead the conversation in a productive way. Outcomes Requirements for Success People are more com m i tted to goals they set for themselves and that arise out of their own desires and i nterests. Most outcomes are not really wel l formed, and thus have less potential for success. So, by responding to each question, the c l i e nt has a m uch better chance of success.
How do you use it? What do you want? Break it down into smal ler outcomes if necessary. How w i l l you know when you've got it? Is the evidence described in sensory terms? Where, when, and with whom do you want it? What are the positive and negative consequences of getting you r outcome? What resources do you need to achieve your outcome? What are you al ready doing to begin to achieve your outcome? What will achieving that outcome get for you? Is the fi rst step to achieving your outcome specific and ach ievable?
What time frames are i nvolved? What stops you from having your outcome now? Imagine stepping into the futu re and fi nding you r outcome f u l l y realized. Look back and determ i n e what steps were req u i red to achieve the outcome now that you have it. Most of the goals we set are rea l l y a means to a greater end. Meta-outcome goes beyond an i n itial goal to identify the d ream or desire that the i n itial goal serves.
Why use jt? JQPC What does it do? When addressing meta-outcomes with an individual: Start with a goal or outcome. This can be any goal, but it is especia l ly useful when a goal does not meet the criteria for a "well -formed outcome. The client might say, "If customers treat me with more respect, I w i l l feel confident handling their complaints. Does the answer include an in ner state or a value? Is that right? Ask each party what fulfi l lment of their position wou l d do for them.
Point out to the parties how they both want the same or s i m i lar goals, and then use this frame to ga in cooperation and resolve the conflict. For example: t "I am going to starve myself to lose weight. Before leaving, he found out there was some tension between two members of his team-M ike and Sandy-and he was s u rprised to find that it had GOAUQPC Section Four 1 29 escalated to the point of threate n i n g the functioning of the whole project team.
He knew that he needed to act quickly to resolve the matter. Jack started by taking the time to learn the positions of each party and then to ask each person some meta-outcome questions. He wanted her to slow down, attend to the details, and ta lk with him before she took certa i n actions. When asked what having Sandy behave this way would do for h i m , M i ke said that it would ensure that the project was done right.
Going one step further, M i ke sa id that this outcome wou l d mean the project was a success and that he would be proud to have worked on it. Sandy felt that M i ke was holding everyth i ng up. She wanted M i ke to "loosen up" and be more creative in address ing needs rather than doing everyt h i ng by the book. And this wou l d al low her and the project team to stand out i n the company. They were a lso su rprised to learn that they both wanted to be proud of the project. This point of agreement gave them i nspiration to find a working compromise.
This is a great tool for coach ing employees because it teaches them how to make a road-map to achieving long-term goals and m a i ntaining their own motivation. Create a wel l-formed outcome with a rich , fu ll representation of a long-term desirable future. Ident i fy the halfway poi n t between now and the desi red future. For instance, if the goal were one year away, this " midpoint" would be six months away. Usin g these i n dicators, create a representation of this halfway point, and place it i n the appropriate spot between now and the desired future.
Now identify a halfway point between now and the m i dpoint j u st created i n Step 2. This will be a "quarter point" on the way to the final goa l. With these ind icators, create a representation of this quarter-point landmark and place it in the apprflpriate spot between now and the midpoi nt. Create a halfway point between now and the quarter poi nt. This will be an "eighth point" on the way to the fi nal goal. For instance. Create a line that goes from the goal-setter at "Now" through all of the previous points and d i rectly to the desi red goal in order to create a strong a n d clear connection between a l l of these steps.
Doing so w i l l make the long-term goal an inevitable consequence of the steps along the way. Test it to find out how atta i n able the goal seems now that it has been put on a storyboard that l i n ks a l l the appropriate stages to the desired goal. He wanted to start a mediation practice, but felt overwh el med and did not know where to start.
Storyboarding h i s future seemed l i ke an exce l l ent way to proceed. Mark wanted to work fou r days per week, five hours per day, and provide at least seventy-five hours of d i rect mediation services per month. He was transitio n i ng out of employment with the state of California and wanted to maintain an income. He also thought that he could use his experience to work with government employees but was not li m i t i ng hi mself t o this population. He wou l d be getting referra l s from satisfied cl ients. At the quarter-way point of four-and-a-half months eighteen weeks , he wou l d be providing ten hours of mediation per month.
He wou l d have designed and published the web site. He would have joined the local Chamber of Comm erce and at least one other networking source. He wou l d have reduced his work time with the state to thi rty-two hours per week. At the eighth point n ine weeks. Mark was a l ready taking steps by completing his mediation tra i n i n g He was working on identifying his strengths as a mediator and drafting a write-up of his phi losophy of mediation for incl usion on his web site.
At the end of the storyboard ing session, Mark felt that he had a clear plan of action and no longer felt overwhelmed. He felt renewed enth usiasm for his career choice and was eager to proceed. StOlyboardin is best with long-term outcomes one year in this example. Storyboard the outcome For each step, get clear and strong evidence of movement toward the goal. This is a process that enables you to choose your state of m i n d in any context. Many work chal lenges arise because people do not manage themselves well and act out of u n resou rcefuI states. Coaching employees to manage t h e i r own state empowers them to get better resu lts on t h e job and in l i fe.
Why usejtL t To be able to access an d maintain t h e state of m i nd that is most useful for a specific context. Examples of states include be ing accepting. Describe the situation or context in which you want to access a certain state. Identify whether you want to succeed at a certai n performance for example. Identify who. Consider the activities that go before and after the context.
Consider t h e following: t What are your goals and i n tents for your state in the situation? Consider several ways that you can maintain the state. What will you do to rega in it? He wanted to be at his best, so he chose this goal as the focus of a coaching session. State management seemed an appropriate coaching tool for W i l l iam's situation. W i l liam described the context as t h e conference room at the host company.
This was clearly a "performance context. W i l l i a m's goal was to "wow" them. H e intended to be upbeat. F i rst, he thought of his belief in his company and the product. Second, he thought of how he really l i kes people and that "high-level executives" are j ust people. When he foc used on them as people, he felt connected to them, ready to hea r what they had to say, a n d eager to make sure that they unde rstood what he had to offer. He also felt less drive to "make the sale" and more confident that he could make the best presentation possible.
He felt that h e could mai nta i n the state by focusing on the process and the people, not on the resu lt. At the end of the process, he was glow i ng an d said that he felt sure he cou l d do his best. He felt that he had done h i s best. He then ann ou nced that they had ca l l ed two days later to negotiate the deta i l s and had signed the contract the next day! Case Study 2 Fred was applying for a new position. Part of the appl ication process incl uded a n i nterview with a panel of d i rectors, and he was a bit nervous about this.
Using the state management process, Fred fi rst thought through the context in deta i l. He wanted to be articulate, flexible, warm, and have a sense of conviction. Then he decided how he would access the states. He remembered ti mes when he had been in each state. He menta l l y stepped back into the experience and relived it.
He noticed his feel i n gs and how h i s body felt d u r i n g t h e experience. H e noticed that if he stood up w h i l e doing t h is , it was easier to truly access the states. He used appropriate language to help drive the states. To el icit warmth, he i magined looking at each person on the pa nel and thi n ki ng, " am glad you're here.
Performing b. Problem solving c. Relating to oth IS d. Accomplishing a task Identify the desired state Step 2: What is an appropriate. Goals and Intents: What is your goal in the situation? What is your intent? Evidence: How would you know you are in the desired state? Actions: What steps or actions can you take to initiate the state?
He then thought about what might happen that could throw h i m off balance.
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He later reported to his coach that the interview was a "breeze. It states that human systems are made and i magined by those who live and work within them. A l has grown rapidly si nce its inception in 1 from the work of David L. Al is strength based and places the focus squarely on what is right and what is working with i n a system. The goal is to find what you appreciate, i n q u i re i nto it, dialogue about it, and build on the positive core within a person or orga n ization.
It has been applied to orga nizational change with major corporations, to systemic changes i n social systems or groups, and to i n dividual change. People are more successful and lead happier lives when they b u i ld on their strengths. The model of AI provides a basic framework for effective coach i ng because it identifies and bui l ds on strengths. The basic idea is simple: Find what you appreciate a strengt h a nd inqu ire into it.
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Wby useit? Go backward. This process w i l l b e m uch more effective w h e n y o u or y o u r client reca l l and relive a n actual experience. Go inward. Go forward. Ask, "How can you use what you have learned here for the goal or issue? There was a history of strained relations between the two departments from before her tenure, and she felt some people were holding their old grudges against her. She wanted to resolve the matter herself rather than taking a complaint t o her superiors.
She needed others to make proj ects happen, and they were a l ready very busy with their own workloads. J u l i e i m mediately real ized that she had gotten caught up in the politics of the organization and had lost sight of the project vision. J u l i e recognized di rect parallels between the two situations and how she cou l d use all that she had learned then to help her now. J u l i e felt clear about what she needed to do.
She needed to revitalize her vision of a su perb trai ning academy that would be a mark of distinction in her orga n ization. Relive the experience. Tell the storyl And uncover: Conditions: What outer conditions contributed to the experience? Ingredients: What other ingredients helped? Your state of mind? This t echnique, adapted by Robert D i l ts from the work of Gregory Bateson, a British anthropologist, uses l i fe experiences to solve problems or ga in new perspectives on diffi c u l t or cha l lenging situations. It is unique in that the resources to solve a problem are obtained from a l ife experience that is total l y u n related t o t h e challenge o r difficulty at hand.
Spatial anchoring al lows you to separate aspects or steps in a process by separating them in space. T h i n k of some problem with which you are at an i m passe. Step into the Problem State location; associate into the problem situation and experience what i s happening. Think of something that you do that is completely u n related to the probl e m situation and which is 1 54 Coaching in the Workplace I C GOA.
UQPC a resource for you-an activity or abil ity such as skiing that real l y gives you a sense of identity, mission, creativity, or passion. Look over at the Problem State from the Resou rce State. Make a metaphor for the problem situation in the context of the resource activity. That is, if the problem were being expressed in the context of the Resource State, what would be happening? Fi nd t h e solution t o t h e problem from with in the metaphor. When you are getting your skis crossed , it is best to slow down, focus on moving one s k i , and let the other ski follow. Step out of the metaphoric situation into the Problem State and bring the solution with you.
Tra nslate and apply the metaphoric solution to the original context. When it is time to study, slow down, pick one thing to study, focus on it, and let the other things follow. He is scheduled to take the exam for the fourth time in a week. I n his coach ing session, he described how thoroughly he had studied and how wel l he had performed on the practice exams; he a l ways scored wel l above passing level. Applying Bateson's Problem-Solving Strategy, Larry used his practice as a martial artist for a resou rce context.
He im mediately felt more relaxed a n d more capable of responding to test questions. Larry passed h i s exam. It can also be used to create a new habit and i m m ediately adopt it. Here is an example: A client found herself getting involved i n her e-ma i l when she first arrived at her office.
I nstead, she wanted to develop a new habit of taking the time to plan her day in the morning before she did anyt h i ng else. The n e w behavior generator helped her to "insta l l " the new behavior in such a way that she remembered to do her plann i ng first a n d felt motivated to continue to do so. Review it as i f it were a movie that y o u were watching and you were the star of the show.
If you l i ke the way that it looks, go on to Step 4. If you don't l i ke the way it looks, go back to Step 2 and find another resou rce that might work; then go on to Step 3 again. Review the stuck situation using the new behavior as if you are actually experiencing it now. Jump i nto you r body, into the movie, and experience it. If you l i ke the way it feels, go on to Step 5. If you don't l i ke the way it feels, go back to Step 2 and find another resource. Practice it several ti mes in several d i fferent contexts for the best resu l ts. Case Study Fred had a hard t i me getting up in the morning.
He wou l d hear the alarm go off. He did this repeatedly u n t i l the last m i n ute. Then he'd get up and rush; he'd often arrive at work fee l i ng frazzled and sometimes was late for meetings.
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H e wanted to get up earlier and feel good about it, though he could not t h i n k of a t i m e that h e had ever done so as an adult. Since he did not have a past behavior to refer to, he thought of a friend who was a real morning person and who always arose easily. He asked her how she did it. In t h i n king it through , his friend realized that when she heard her alarm clock sound, she would say to herself, "It's time to get u p. Fred thought this sounded like a good idea.
He saw h i mself lying in bed, hearing his alarm clock ring, and saying to h i mself, "It's time to get up. He l i ked the way that looked, so he tried it out as a rehearsal. When he heard the alarm. He rehearsed this process several ti mes. He reported that the very next morn ing he had gotten up and stretched the first time that the a l arm went off. Resource States What is it? This process a l l ows you to ga in a new perspective on situations that trigger i neffective reactions and provides you or your client with new choices and responses. Wby use it? If done properly, the situation w i l l change dramatically for the cl ient.
These ideas are useful when the client identifies a situation in wh ich being in a non resourceful state prevents h i m from responding in the way that would be best for h i m. Isolate t he situational trigger that i n i tiates the nonresourceful state words, tone, nonverbals, place. Have the cli ent menta l l y step into the situation at the point when he first rea lizes that he is getting the undesired response. Have the cl ient dissociate from the situation by having him take a deep breath and step back to watch himself in that situation.
If it is a still picture, make a movie out of it. Have the person freeze frame the mental movie. Consider the situation in ten years from now. If appropriate, make some element of the situation incongruous. Step into the situation. See the big picture from a distance "the lolly Green Giant" perspect ive. I f it i s a sti l l picture, make a movie out of it. Have the person freeze frame the mental movie of the situation and then step out of it. Feel the resou rces and then step back I nto the scene.
Consider the situation from the perspective of ten years from now. Anchor a state of i n n er peace and witness the situation, then step i nto it. Now have the client associate by stepping back into the situation with her new response. If a new response is needed or if adj ustments need to be made in the selected response, repeat Steps 3, 4 , and 5. Repeat Steps I t h rough 5 as many t i m e s a s is necessary to learn t he strat egy.
She thought about being with the d i fficult coworker earlier in the day, when she felt that he repeated ly criticized her report at a staff meeting. She then menta l l y stepped back from the scene and went to a n Observer position, and watched herself at the meeting. She tried a l l of these new perspectives and reframes. Note that a c l i ent doesn't typica l l y need to do a l l of the steps; you might j ust select the one or ones that intuitively seem most l i kely to make the greatest change. She clearly was giving h i m something di fferent to respond to w h i l e she w a s t a k i n g a n e w perspective on the situation.
Note that the goal here is to e mpower the client, not to try to change the other person. At some point. For example, smoking cigarettes might help a person to relax. Quitting smoking i s difficult because the person w i l l lose a habitual way o f relaxing. T effect the change, the person needs to find another way to relax that is j u st as i m mediate and as effective. Identify the behavior that needs to be changed Reframing works best on a behavior that you do, but don't want to do be i n g late, procrastinating, not completing projects or acti vities.
Name the behavior. Get a clear sense of the "present state. Separate the behavior from t he positive inten t i o n. F i n d the meta-ou tcome o f the problem behavior by asking, "What does doing that behavior or avoiding that activity get for you? Get agreement to try new choices. Ask, "If there were other actions that you could take, or other behaviors that you could do, that wou l d work as well or better than what you are currently doing to achi eve the positive intenti o n , wou l d you be interested in discovering them?
Create a l ternate behaviors t o satisfy the intention. Bridging the change into action. Check to see if the client wants to be accountable a n d , i f so, set up appropriate accountabilities. Case Study George's work unit was experiencing a common probl e m : most of the staff arrived late to the weekly staff meeting. After repeated and fruitless requests for everyone to be on time, George followed the steps above for a resolution. Most of the staff arrived late out of the positive intention of not wasting time.
O f course, t h i s strategy lead to longer and longer delays, thus the "sol ution" to the problem actua l l y i ncreased and perpetuated it. The group brainstormed and qu ickly arrived at a sol ution that was not only simple but actual l y worked for them. Work is largely a process of making decisions and keeping commitments. Many emp loyees feel conflicted or make poor decisions about work situations because they haven't clarified their own criteria. We evaluate the world and make choices based on what is i m portant to us.
Va l ues often go across contexts in l i fe and can be applied in many situations. Values give d i rection and determ ine l i fe satisfaction. Freedom in relationship to your spouse may be very d ifferent than freedom on a job. Criteria provide a measure to determ ine whether a va lue is being met. Then we ask the person to identify what is i m portant within that context or role.
Accord ing to the a bove defi nitions. See p. Section Five 1 73 Step I : Identify the Context The context can be any part of one's l i fe that needs clarification or i m provement. This might be career, relationsh ip, l i festyle, or hea l t h. Once you get the first answer, keep asking, "What else is important to you about Icriteria l? A typical range i s six to twelve questions. Most people run o u t of criteria at a dozen. Then ask them to arrange the pieces of paper from most i m portant to least i mportant.
If you get a "yes," then move them to stand beside paper 2. Once they are beside this paper, language becomes very important. If yau couldn't have 2, but could have 1 , wauld that be akay with yau? Th is forcing process will in dicate which is really more important. Your sensory acuity will tell you the answer long before the client verbalizes it. If the answer is "yes , " move o n down t h e list. I f the answer is "na," switch the pieces of paper and ask the question again. Note: If they can't clearly answer the question, then there is some additional value.
Once the ranking i s clarified, move o n t o the other criteria. You may find criteria missing. For example, if you are aski ng, "What is important to you about your busi ness? Say somet h i ng l i ke, "This is a terrific list of criteria. However, I'm curious about something. This list is about your business, yet I don't see anything here about making money. Ask, "Is there anything you would like to change about this list of criteria? Experience i n dicates that: I. Typically, only the top th ree or four criteria provide substantial motivation toward action.
The client and the coach need to have a very good reason to change a person's 1 val ue. As always, be careful about the potential negative impacts of change. Step 6: Cementing the New Hierarchy Once the new or reshuffled va lue is in the hierarchy, have the client associate into step i nto h is or her highest va lue a n d anchor it there. Fi nal ly, start her at the l owest criterion and walk her up the hie rarchy, taking each lower criterion with her to support the next higher one.
It is important to end with her fu l l y associated to her h i ghest criterion and a l l the support i ng criteria. Bria n. S h e emphasized t h a t s h e rea l l y wanted them to resolve their differences. She l i sted a variety of criteria. She completed her list. The va l ue of harmony was her 1 val ue when she went t h rough the process of ranking them.
Marjorie rea l i zed that this va lue was so i m portant to her that she had d i fficulty seeing beyond it. She was i m mediately clear that it not o n l y had a place. After adding this to the set and resorting them. With this insight. She realized that she had been "nagging" both her husband and Brian to resolve the problem between them.
Marjorie later reported that she spoke with both of them and told them that she would love them both n o matter what their differences. Within a few weeks. Section Five 1 79 Step 1 : Identify the goal or desired state The Disney strategy helps create a more robust and complete outcome. Step J : The Realist role Step into the Realist role and create plans and strategies to make the dream a realily.
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Each state will have a dist i nct physiology or posture, patterns of thoug h t. The Realist identifies steps to accomplish the dream. Critic This is the The goal of the critic is to find for evaluating flaws or missing pieces in the plan in relation plan and to determine if the to the outcome. The Critic does not identiry remedies. Walt Disney stated that it was important to "get enough distance" from the plan to really think critically about it.
This also helps to avoid criticizing yourself or other people. Ide ntify a goal or desired outcome. Take o n e o f the possibilit ies and adopt a Realist menta lity. Your goal here is to identify the steps to rea l ize the dream. Step back from the plan.
Get enough distance to exa m i ne it critically. Be l i ke a movie critic-parts of the movie are great a n d some don't work so wel l. Take the i n formation generated by the Critic and recycle t h rough steps 2 through 4 until you are comfortable that you have enough of a plan to take action. The management team wanted the retirement celebration to be a surprise. Denise brought this matter to the coach i n g session, and we used the Disney Strategy to help her develop a response.
She generated severa l options for location and party themes. However, what she did imagine was a l i vely event filled with fu n activities. She took this option to the Realist position. Here she began to consider what was req u i red to make such a party happen. She stepped back from the idea to evaluate it, to determine if the plan was complete enough to proceed, and whether it really met the criteria for the dream.
Plus, in this plan, there was no golfing. She revisited her origi nal vision and considered several options: One was to start the party with the a n n ual events and then bring in the surprise later in the party. Cycling this back through the Realist.
The Critic wanted to fi l l in addi tional information about the actual activities, especially related to the retirement portion. She took th i S to the Dreamer and i magined a "This is Your Life" type game, where people from his past would ta l k about his l i fe. He would have to guess who they were based on a few clues before they came out. The Realist identified specific people from his past and present who might partici pate and how they could set it up. By reviewing this from a l l th ree positions.
The idea and plan was a h it with the management team. What is a belief? A belief is the acceptance of something as true. But creating that kind of experience is easier said than done for most managers. Performance management is rapidly evolving. If you're looking for better results from performance conversations, consider these 13 performance review tips! The first step toward better performance reviews is to start with a coaching mindset. Many managers are used to acting as judges or evaluators — but this isn't the most effective approach.
If you come into a performance conversation with the mindset of a judge, your employee is going to feel like they are on trial. Show your employee that you're on the same team, and that you want to help them improve. Your goal should be to help employees — and ultimately your organization — win. When managers and employees only converse about performance once a year, there's room for a lot of suspense and anxiety.
These conversations tend to feel awkward because they are less practiced. Ongoing performance conversations shift the focus forward. This creates a more positive experience for managers and employees. It reduces the tendency for unnecessary anxiety and uncertainty to arise. The annual performance review still has a place — but you need to supplement it with ongoing performance conversations.
It's best practice to have these conversations throughout the year, at least quarterly. Monthly one-on-one conversations are even better!
To get a more complete picture of employee performance, ask others for feedback as part of the performance review process. This benefits the employee and the manager. Feedback can shed light on certain aspects of an employee's performance that their manager might not have been aware of. It can also uncover themes and provide strong evidence for the impact of an employee's performance. You should share peer feedback with employees prior to their performance appraisal. This gives them the chance to self-reflect and seek clarification.
They can also comment on feedback, allowing for a more robust feedback conversation. Having to answer questions or discuss topics you're not prepared for can be stressful. Consider including:. Here are a few tips from HuffPost and Fast Company on being a better listener:. Listen to learn, not to be polite.
Come from a place of curiosity, rather than generosity. Be aware of emotions. Seek to understand how the other person may be feeling, and work to keep your emotions in check if needed.
Ask questions. Part of active listening is asking more questions. Asking follow-up questions can help you understand more and dig deeper. Repeat back what you heard. This gives you the opportunity to check you accurately understood what the other person said. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Difficult conversations can be uncomfortable. Good listeners learn to be comfortable with the discomfort. Asking the right performance review questions is critical. Use a performance review template that invites honest, genuine feedback and uncovers actionable ways to improve performance.
Your words carry power — power to motivate and power to deflate. Take the time to be thoughtful about the performance review phrases you choose. Employees should know exactly how their performance is measured. Managers and employees should have a shared understanding of what good performance looks like. Provide clarity around each employee's role and how the organization perceives their contributions. If your organization used performance metrics or ratings, be transparent about them. Employees should understand how metrics are used, what they mean, and what ratings they've received.
They must not be guessing what the organization thinks of them. When giving performance feedback, be specific and share examples. Being vague can create confusion. Providing context empowers employees to repeat positive performance and address poor performance. This additional context helps employees understand the effects of their performance — both good and bad. Own the feedback you give employees.
If you have feedback to give, give it. In addition, avoid using dismissive language to downplay feedback. This can send mixed signals on whether or not the feedback matters.
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