Jokes : 501 Funny Jokes


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Overview This collection of time-tested riddles and knock-knock jokes from Highlights will trigger a laugh attack every time kids open them, and hilarious illustrations by David Coulson add to the fun. Kids love jokes, and this is a great joke book for kids ages six and up! This book will give kids a great way to entertain themselves and others while helping them develop an understanding of humor, which is an important social developmental skill.

The second book in the Laugh Attack series, this book is sure to be a delight. With a wealth of jokes and riddles, these joke books are perfect for sharing laughs with family and friends. From monsters to music, more than goofy jokes, riddles and cartoons will keep kids laughing for hours. Chuck Norris goes killing.

When Chuck Norris jumps from a building, the concrete commits suicide. Chuck Norris was about to die Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code Chuck Norris was once shot. The bullet died. If Chuck Norris killed Kenny, he'd stay dead. Ghosts are created when Chuck Norris kills people to fast for the grim reaper to prosses.

In the game "Clue", the murder is always committed by Chuck Norris, with a roundhouse kick, in any room he danged well pleases. The Expendables 2 is actually a documentary film showing Chuck Norris killing people. The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish. When Chuck Norris throws a throwing knife, the knife doesn't kill his victim, the force of the air did. Somebody said that Chuck sucks, since then their severed head with many foot marks have been found Getting your ass kicked by Chuck Norris?

The only good news is you know when you will die. Chuck Norris cleans up crime No episode aired, as no one survived. We only submit these facts so he doesn't kill us. Chuck Norris can kill a Great White Shark by drowning it.


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To Chuck Norris that's just the motto of his life. Chuck Norris hit you tomorrow, is going to hit you yesterday, and you're now dead. Chuck Norris is the meaning of life. Too bad he's also the meaning of death. There is a way to kill Chuck Norris, it is Sorry, the person typing this just had his head bashed in by a roundhouse kick.

The phrase "I am become death, destroyer of worlds" was actually first coined by Chuck Norris when he came out of the womb. Where does the devil go when he dies? He goes to Chuck Norris for an eternity of roundhouse kicks. Chuck Norris can strum your pain with his fingers, tell your whole life with his words — but mainly just kill you softly with his song. Bruce Lee is the only person that lived from a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.

He died a year later. The list of names at the end of every Chuck Norris film is the list of people he's killed. Chuck Norris can stare you to death while looking the other direction! Chuck Norris was once part of a knock knock joke. The Joke ended abruptly when after the first knock the door blew up killing the man behind it.

Charlie Sheen is a drug, it will melt your face and kill you. Chuck Norris had two 8-Balls of Sheen and is now suing for false advertising. Chuck Norris' yawn put people in comas. He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick. Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead. Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life. Chuck Norris can kill with blank bullets. It takes a master to shoot a fly from a hundred Paces, but it takes a Chuck Norris to roundhouse-kick one from a thousand.

If Chuck Norris movies were in 3D, the audience would be dead. Chuck Norris' beard can etch a sketch a picture of chuck killing a man. When the last line is drawn, that man dies! We'll want to preserve Chuck Norris for future generations, when he dies. We won't be needing cryogenics cos Chuck's already frozen. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease 2.

Chuck Norris 3. Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face. Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies. Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood. Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts. Guns can kill, Chuck Norris does! Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.

Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people. It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Chuck Norris was born feet first. It was the only time a doctor died during childbirth. Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street Did you know the Dinosaurs crossed Chuck Norris?

But only once. Chuck Norris doesn't bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing. When Chuck Norris was a kid, he wanted to see if you really could kill two birds with a stone. Let's just say that's why birds fly still south in the winter. Chuck Norris did the blue whale challenge. By the 50th day, his instructor had jumped off the building. Death once got sentenced to Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is proof that legends never die.

When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes. More death jokes or go to table of contents. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers. Sharks are not living on the sea because they can't breath on continent. They live on a sea, because Chuck Norris doesn't. Chuck Norris was once so famished, he ate Turkey. The country there now is only an impostor. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.

According to leading scientists, the deadliest animal on the planet is the Bearded Norris. Chuck Norris once uppercut a horse and that is how the giraffe was created. You can lead a horse to water, but Chuck Norris can make it drink. Who do you think would win in a fight? Chuck Norris scares cows so bad, milk comes out their nose. Chuck Norris eats gummy bears and shits out grizzly bears.

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Chuck Norris created the platypus by roundhouse kicking a duck at a beaver. When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears. When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken. Cats are allergic to Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't get shark attacked, the shark gets Chuck Norris attacked. When Chuck Norris gets angry, forests explode from their own boiling sap. When Chuck Norris laughs, flowers bloom and butterflies hatch. In India, cows wait until Chuck Norris crosses the street.

Q: What's the difference between Chuck Norris and a bear? A: Chuck Norris has more chest hair. Racehorses have to pee like Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris looked Medusa straight in the eyes, and laughed. Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At Night. Chuck Norris is the most feared predator on the planet. That's why sharks have a Chuck Norris week.

Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf. Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone. Chuck Norris once rode a bull threw a China shop, the only thing that broke was the bull. Chuck Norris doesn't scroll with a mouse. He uses a lion.

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Chuck Norris doesn't just bring home the bacon, he brings home the whole pig. Chuck Norris eats black holes for breakfast. They taste like chicken. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live. On the show Man v. Chuck Norris invented the Giraffe when he roundhouse kicked a spotted Horse in the chin. The reason we are human is because Chuck roundhouse kicked a monkey into a higher species. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

When Chuck Norris walks into a room, the mice jump on chairs. You know Chuck Norris' pet lizard, right? Last I heard, he was in the movie "Godzilla". Oh, and his pet turtle starred in "Gamera" as well. Chuck Norris once won the Iditarod by pulling his team of dogs on the sled. Chuck Norris likes his steaks still mooing. Chuck norris can eat chicken tonight tomorow. Scooby Doo prefers Norris snacks'.

If Chuck Norris were a cat he would have ten lives. Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar. It's call a Chuck Steak because Chuck just kicked that cow's butt. The last time Chuck Norris was hungry, all the dinosaurs suddenly got extinct Everybody knows that Chuck Norris can't shoot a bow even though he got 5 bullseyes in a row. The only reason he got the bullseye is that his arrows know better than to miss. Some people like to eat frogs' legs.

Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes. Chuck Norris bit a spider once then it became Spiderman! Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic. Sharks watch Chuck Norris week. A lion once put his head inside the mouth of Chuck Norris. Local mountain lions have been complaining about the recent string of Chuck Norris attacks. If it walks like a duck, talks lidek a duck, and smell like a duck but Chuck Norris says it's a girrafe.

It's a damn girrafe! Chuck norris once killed a bear with an imaginary knife. Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it. Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it. Then I showed him. Chuck Norris once had a pet monkey When Chuck Norris wants salmon he eats the bear too. Giraffes were invented when Chuck Norris laid an uppercut to a horse.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear. He sleeps with a real bear. Chuck Norris does not buy ground beef, he just takes a whole cow, runs it through his beard, and fully cooked hamburgers come out. The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one. Chuck Norris could stab you with a worm. Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can mess with the bull without getting the horns. Sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey. He chews bees Chuck Norris won the Kentucky derby, on a Unicorn. Unicorns are extinct but Chuck Norris used all their horns as toothpicks. Chuck Norris can make a turtle go faster.


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Chuck Norris once taught a French Bulldog to be English. Chuck Norris uses live piranhas as bath toys. Chuck Norris once walked in the opposite direction in the Running of the Bulls. The bulls turned around and ran for their lives. If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef. Chuck Norris can stick his hand inside a rabbit's mouth and pull out a HAT! What does the fox say? Whatever the hell Chuck Norris tells him to. Chuck Norris was mauled by a bear once, then the bear woke up and apologized.

Chuck Norris is the reason why This Little Piggy cried wee wee wee all the way home. Chuck Norris once round house kicked a bear while on a survival trek in Siberia. That incident was known as the Tunguska event. Chuck Norris Killed Medusa with a round house Kick. Who would win in a fight between a bear and a lion? Answer - neither, Chuck Norris would beat them both with a single round-house-kick. The snake was punished because Chuck Norris tempted it to ate the apple. Labradoodles were made when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a Labrador and a Poodle at the same time.

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Chuck Norris tangled with Wolverine. He beat to him to a bloody pulp, then dared him to heal himself. Wolverine will not be in the next X-Men movie. Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth. The next day he won the lottery. Some say Chuck once sneezed a rhino inside out. Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby. Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.

Chuch Norris stood next to a bear and was told he had to leave because the bear was scared. More animal jokes or go to table of contents. Chuck Norris throws a dodgeball at you, knocks all your teeth out. Then the ball hits you. Chuck Norris once played with Legos. The Ancient Egyptians still thank him for it.

As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge. Chuck Norris can get a Black-Jack with one card.

Chuck Norris can finish a Super Mario game with just one arrow key. Chuck Norris once had a bet with the Hulk, the loser had to paint himself green. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.

Chuck Norris can play Pokemon Go on his landline. PlayStation network was never hacked. Chuck Norris just decided to play one day. When Chuck Norris plays hangman, he decides what the word is. Chuck Norris just completed a full round of Golf In 17 shots. Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek. I don't know he is still busy. Chuck Norris finished Minecraft.

Whenever Chuck Norris rolls a 6 sided dice, he always rolls a 7. Chuck Norris once played himself in Russian Roulette, and he won. No Questions asked. The first time Chuck Norris won a game of poker was when his apponant reaveled his full house; then Chuck Norris reaveled his roundhouse.

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Chuck Norris can win a game of scrabble using only numbers. Chuck Norris turns his game off while saving. Chuck Norris could play cd-based games on his Nintendo There are 5 known levels of Super-Saiyan. Achieving the 6th level is known as "Going Chuck Norris. For Chuck Norris, there is no such thing as gambling. He already knows the outcome. Chuck Norris' favorite game is winning.

Using only a black king, Chuck Norris defeated the world-champion grand-master in chess.


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Chuck Norris won a game of chess with checker pieces. When Chuck Norris played the card game War with a friend, France surrendered. Chuck Norris is the ultimate hide and seek player; no one dares find him. Chuck Norris bowled a perfect game While using a golf ball. Chuck Norris reached level 51 on Oblivion. When Chuck Norris logged in to WoW, everyone logged out. Chuck Norris gave Black Ops a thumbs up and people at Microsoft a roundhouse kick in the face.

Suck it Microsoft. Chuck Norris beat Super Mario Galaxie 2 in the big dipper Chuck Norris once won a Poker tournament using only Pokemon cards. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Chuck Norris wrote the Assassins creed! Chuck Norris: The Game starts directly with the ending video. Chuck Norris can press "Pause" on reality.

When Chuck Norris was a kid he didn't play with Lincoln Logs, he built real houses. In the game 'Spore', The Grox are a result of Chuck Norris being allowed to create a species, but they had to be weakened to make the game possible. Chuck Norris didn't survive the first night in Minecraft, the first night survived Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can get up to level 40 in Fallout 3. Chuck Norris once hit 3 touchdowns during a friendly game of full-contact bowling. Chuck Norris has 10 custom classes on Modern Warfare 2, and hes never prestiged.

Chuck Norris caught all the Pokemon With the Yellow version. Chuck Norris actually completed Tetris.

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Chuck Norris failed recess because he dosent play games. Chuck Norris won more Olympic medals than the hole world Including himself. Chuck Norris was a pokemon card, until they took it out of the market cause the Chuck Norris card was level infinity. When Chuck Norris plays the game Clue, the answer is always everyone in every room with a roundhouse kick!

Chuck Norris won one million dollars gambling playing Solitaire. Chuck Norris hates both the player and the game. It has been said that if you name any custom class in Call of Duty "Chuck Norris" you will instantly win every match you set foot in. Never tell Chuck Norris he lost the game because he will make you lose the game then roundhouse kick you in the face making you lose twice.

Chuck Norris CAN play on broken strings. For Chuck Norris In the game Monopoly every space is free parking. Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he beats it fair and square. Chuck norris plays frisbee with his retinas. Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards. Chuck Norris can solve the Towers of Hanoi in one move. Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.

Chuck Norris just checked out from In 8 darts. Superman and The Flash have a race around the world. Who wins? Chuck Norris doesn't play computer games,the computer plays Chuck Norris games. Chuck Norris can finish Mario Bros without using the jump button. Chuck Norris can finish Sims. Chuck Norris has only played Pacman twice, and beat the game both times. The ghosts were too afraid to leave their little box to try to stop him. Chuck Norris can win a game of chess by saying "Yahtzee! Chuck Norris once won a chess game after losing his king.

Chuck Norris once starred in Wheel of Fortune. The last twenty nine minutes were spent in an awkward silence, waiting for the wheel to stop spinning. If Charlie Sheen is winning, it's only because Chuck Norris isn't playing. Chuck Norris can win a game of 'Connect 4' in 3 turns. When Chuck Norris plays sudoku, he can put two same numbers in one square and still solve it right. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

If Chuck Norris was a villian in a video game, you'll never win.

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But if he was the hero, it's unplayable; because no one controls Chuck Norris. The result was The Great Pyramids. Notice, there are no Chuck Norris video games. They would be way too easy. Chuck Norris once rolled a dice. It landed on tails. Chuck Norris once won a game of Space Invaders without shooting. Stores accept Monopoly money from Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris plays hide and seek, even google can't find him.

When Chuck Norris was a kid, he entered a pool bombing competition. This place now widely known as the Niagara Falls. More game jokes or go to table of contents. Chuck Norris can get a Pepsi out of a Coke machine. Chuck Norris and Hitler were sitting in a cafe. Chuck said, "I don't like the juice. When Chuck Norris wants salad, he eats a vegetarian. Chuck Norris put corns in the Milky Way and eat them at his breakfast.

If Chuck Norris was here in the Philippines, there would be no hostage crisis. He eats hostage-takers for breakfast! Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted. Chuck Norris can pour a pancake so thin that it only has one side. Chuck Norris can turn a vegan into a cannibal. Chuck norris once ate a rubix cube and pooped it out solved. Chuck Norris boils an egg by holding it. Chuck Norris is the only one that can turn lemonade into lemons.

The smoothie was invented when Chuck Norris needed information from a banana. Chuck Norris puts all of his baskets in one egg. Chuck Norris does not need pressure cookers. The food cooks itself out of pressure. When Chuck Norris opens a bottle of coke happiness runs away screaming. When Chuck Norris bakes cookies for his enemies, he adds his own secret ingredient to make a special taste to it. Its called "defeat". There is no use crying over split milk, unless it's Chuck Norris' milk.

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Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking Chuck Norris can peel an orange with his eyelids, but he rarely needs Vitamin C. Chuck Norris eats blackholes as light snacks. Chuck Norris shot an arrow down with an apple. Chuck Norris once soaked his beard in carbonated water.

The result is now sold as Red Bull. Lays chips claims "No one can eat just one". Chuck Norris has his own protien powder.

Jokes : 501 Funny Jokes Jokes : 501 Funny Jokes
Jokes : 501 Funny Jokes Jokes : 501 Funny Jokes
Jokes : 501 Funny Jokes Jokes : 501 Funny Jokes
Jokes : 501 Funny Jokes Jokes : 501 Funny Jokes
Jokes : 501 Funny Jokes Jokes : 501 Funny Jokes

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